I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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