Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
