I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
