Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
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They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
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No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I didn't notice because vodka
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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