I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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