I bet he comes in French.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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