Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
me + whiskey = a bad person
I need water and some morals
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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