dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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