If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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