I will die if light touches me.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
