just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
