she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize