People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
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I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
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I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.