Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive