You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
honey bunches of taint.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.