the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
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What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
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This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you