Pappa wants mamma naked
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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