I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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