If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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