I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
