I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
