It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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