haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
