Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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