I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He felt like a one man threesome
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
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This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize