two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
