I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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