I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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