I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
