3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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