smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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