Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
