Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
