I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
