how can u be prego again
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
