I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
