There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
