I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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