Just cropdusted the office
No stitches, just platelets and will power
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
