Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
