I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
