I think im going to throw up on grandma
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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