i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
