My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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