Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
