I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
