Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
