Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
