If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
