yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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