I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
