You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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