so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
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