I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
