8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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