If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
