don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
