The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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