my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
