If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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