Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
