You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Two words: blizzard sex
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