Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
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