The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
