I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
