my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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