Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
